Monday, March 31, 2014

Silent for Autism

Good night folks, I am going silent until after April 1st. My attempt to raise my own awareness of what it is like to not be able to communicate.

I can't expect to get it, really, because these kids go their whole lives or many, many years, but in some small way, I hope to get nearer to understanding.


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Our Facebook Page

Please go to to read posts about our family. I have started using that, rather than here, because it is just easier.

Drop me a note on that FB page when you arrive. Hope to see you soon!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Broken arm, bad ears and the flu. All at once.

Charlie is under the weather. I have been writing about this on his facebook page at www.facebook/com/awesomelyautistic. I think I am transitioning to writing there. So go "like" the page and you will see more about us.

Charlie in the ER. They were very good, gentle and fast.

Charlie in his new cast. He did well, although it hurt him at one point.

Anyway, Saturday  at about six Charlie came home from the school, which is a block away. He was crying. His left elbow was abraded badly and he was holding his wrist. He said that his knees hurt, too, but the arm was broken, he said.

There was no swelling, so I thought it was a sprain. I gave him pain meds (tylenol) and put him to bed. In the morning it was clear that he was really in pain and after taking him to the ER, he was diagnosed with a right distal radius fracture. Kid broke his arm.

So yesterday they removed the splint and cast him. Wait. That was Monday. The days are running together. This is Wednesday today. Yesterday we went to the ear nose and throat doc and he was told that his ear infection was cleared up.

However, Sunday night he came down with the respiratory flu. Lots of pain in the throat, coughing and sneezing. Headache.

My poor guy. He's soldiering on, but here is the bitch of it. I am a bad mother. I am sick again with the diverticulitis and I can only eat certain foods and Charlie ate them all. A pound of sliced chicken for soft sandwiches. Five TV dinners with soft chicken and potatoes.

I got mad and told him he was going back to school today. I knew it was wrong and I relented. He needs sleep. Maybe today we will get away from the construction noise and the stench of the heaters that they use so that the joint compound will dry. Maybe we will go see the Lego movie or something.

They are putting up Tyvek on the house and the nailing is not like it was when they were framing. That was nailgunning. BANG! For each nail it was one BANG.

This is BANG BANG BANG BANG BANB BANG BANG and that is just ONE nail. It went on for HOURS. One guy hits the nail eight times. I counted. His buddy hits it twelve times. Bang bang bang bang  pause Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.

Did I mention that I have chronic daily headache syndrome? Oh, and they have not even gotten to the point where the siding is going up. I am dying here.

So this weekend we will paint and then they do the vinyl flooring in the bathroom and in the office. The carpet has been ordered and it will come probably next week. We are in the process of ordering cabinetry for the pantry area and we are going to attempt to lay a floating floor which will match the stuff that we laid back in 2010. This stuff is not supposed to be seamed, but we have to do it because otherwise we have to tear up the kitchen floor.

So Charlie and I are getting the hell out of dodge today. Tomorrow I have to have my car inspected, so we have to be here all day. I should order some good Netflix or Redbox movies and plan to play the volume high and CHarlie and I can stay inside my room and take advil PM and eat cookies in bed.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Charlie broke his arm

This will be a short post. Charlie was riding his scooter in the schools parking lot and fell off and broke his arm. He is in a temporary cast, tomorrow we will be seeing the orthopedic doctor to have it cast. 

He's been sleeping all day. I know he's going to wake up in the middle of the night.

I'll write more as I get some time. Right now I'm suffering with restless leg and can't sleep.

Thursday, February 20, 2014


We have had some really hard times lately with Charlie's behavior. The doc asked us to up his risperidone .5 mg to 1.5 at night.

For three days all was well. This morning is not going well. He is talking to himself and shouting. Now not to blow it out of proportion, there are some things that are "off" today. We ran out of mini-pizzas, so he has to have chicken patties for breakfast. And it's the end of a long week with still one day to go. He's tired and burned out.

So am I.

I worry about him taking Risperidone at all. I worry that it's going to make him psychotic. The doctor says it doesn't do that, but I hate that my little kid (who is not physically little) is taking anti-psychotics at age thirteen. Where do we go from there?

And part of it is that I am not feeling well. The body is just not doing well lately. I have had a bad flareup of diverticulitis and I am on the heavy hitter drugs for it. Flagyl and Cipro. I think I had a bladder infection coming on, too. Time to push the cranberry juice and watch out for fevers.

This morning Chuck got up, we were both sore, exhausted from a rough night and he said, "I guess there would come a time when you aren't afraid to die. When the thought of "no more physical pain" is a blessing."

I had to agree with him. But I think that I will take some tylenol this morning and try to get on with living.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

More Aggression Targets Mom

I am writing this with a very sore wrist. On Saturday night my son Charlie melted down in a huge way. We were downstairs and he was in his room. It was about ten pm on Friday. He went into Jonathan's room and unplugged his Nintendo 3DS charger. Charlie has been taking the other kid's chargers, even though he has three of his own. He chews through the cords of his own chargers.

Jon found him in the room and went looking for his own 3DS, which Charlie tends to take to make stop action videos or play Jon's installed games. Jon doesn't like this because it overwrites Jon's saved games. Jon has Aspergers, Oh joy.

Anyway, the two started yelling. Jon was asking Charlie were Jon's system was and Charlie was saying, "I don't know!"

In the end, it turned out that Charlie had not touched Jon's system, it was under Jon's pillow the whole time and we had not found it.

I came up and tried to talk to Charlie while sitting on his bed, to find out if he had taken the charger or the game. I also told jon to just let it go and go to bed, but Jon kept pushing.

Charlie got really angry. He stood up and started screaming, "Fuck YOU!" "Fucking Fuck YOU!" He doesn't even know what the words mean, he just knows that they are used in anger. At one point, while I was trying to talk calmly to him, forgetting the whole game system crap and just trying to talk him down (Chuck was downstairs getting the klonopin) Charlie grabbed my wrist really hard and squeezed, then he jerked it to the left in an outer half circle movement.

Now I know how to get out of a wrist lock. I had years of self-defense training, but this took me by surprise. He has never laid hands on me in aggression. Although a week ago he got right in my face, inches away and screamed a loud scream at me.

He did finally calm down with two klonopin and some talk and eventually snuggles and tears. He went to bed ok.

But here is why I am writing. We have these meltdowns every night at about eight PM. That is about two to three hours after his dose of risperidone. Charlie has been holding his head at times and says that his brain is talking to him.

I believe that it is possible that the risperidone is causing his mental activity to become over active and violent. I called his psychiatrist to talk to him about it and am expecting a call back soon. I would like to take him off of it and see how he does. We put him on it because Abilify, another anti-psychotic was causing aggression.

It is easier for me to believe that the medicine is causing this then to believe that this is a fundamental and permanent change in Charlie's brain due to autism/puberty/whatever. I want my old kid back. I miss the old Charlie.

Can anyone offer any help to us? Please feel free to comment  below.

Later: I think it's important to state that there are times during the day when Charlie is good to be around and is safe. 4 PM and 8PM tend to be very bad times for him emotionally. 4 PM is shortly after he gets home from school and 8PM is right before bedtime. Both big triggers. I write this today to document what is going on so that in a year or ten, I can look back and see what has gone on. My memory is like swiss cheese.